This post is probably going to be a little more messy and disorganised than most. It is simply me writing my thoughts about this process with very little editing afterwards.
Am I willing to make a mistake?
It’s been a really strange experience starting up a regular blog, posting thoughts and getting feedback. Over the last few months I’ve started to find a bit of a steady rhythm (posting on Saturdays) and I even have about 25 drafts sitting around ready to be finalised and shared.
However, maybe you noticed, but I missed posting last week. I don’t want to get religious about having to post every week, but there was plenty of other things stopping me too.
In the last 24 hours I’ve been reflecting on my need to impress here. I’ve been developing some pretty huge expectations for myself, and I’m finding it really hard to post when everything needs to be awesome.
My fear of failure has been blocking my willingness to share what God’s been putting on my heart.
I quickly get into patterns of 2nd guessing myself. I’m wrestling lately with the tension between, only posting the best things that I write, or should I post every random thought that comes to my head.
After talking to Elana, I’m realising that neither approach is probably any good.
I’m not going to pretend like I have all the answers. Sometimes these posts are probably a little too polished.
I’ve been forgetting why I’m posting here. My need not to make mistakes comes from my desire to impress, not to open an honest and vulnerable conversation. To share what God has been putting on my heart.
Very few of these posts have been surrendered to God before I’ve posted them. It is rare for me to ask his direction in what content I share. Generally, I just post the stuff that I’m excited by, or that writes the easiest. Sometimes it’s sadly just the things that I think will get the most views.
I’m going to try to take risks with what I share here. To slow down and listen to what God is excited about. To be willing to make mistakes.
Thank you for the blessing that it is to get to share life with you in this way. I have been so encouraged by you.
My hope here is that these posts can grow in depth and honesty. That I won’t just post the stuff I think is awesome, but that I’ll start listening to God and posting the stuff he thinks is awesome.
Proverbs 3:5-6 have been real life verses for me.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.
It’s easy for me to me trust myself, to think I know best. But I hope this blog might be increasingly not about me. I pray that it might become more and more about the God who has given me everything.
I’m stoked to get to share this journey with you. Thanks for sharing with me too!